How to build your conversation skills

Calm your nervous system

The stakes are high when you’re being interviewed for a job. Thoughts and worries swirl around your mind: “Will they like me? Am I good enough for this role? How much money will I make? What if I say something stupid? What if the job is too hard?” Being nervous is understandable. There’s a lot on the line—money, acceptance, and career advancement to name a few.

Having butterflies in your stomach before an interview isn’t a bad thing. It means you care about the outcome. If you feel overly anxious, though, you’re less likely to perform well. It will be hard to collect your thoughts and say what you want to say.

Try relaxation techniques so you can be calm and centered during your interview.

• Take deep breaths. Inhale for a count of four and breathe out for a count of eight. You’ll feel calmer before you get to 10 breaths.
• Keep a stress ball handy. Deep-pressure activities like squeezing a stress ball or playing with therapy putty are calming. They also distract you which helps you relax.
• Name what you see, hear, and feel. If you’re feeling nervous waiting for your interview to start, look around. Silently name three things you see, three things you hear, and three things you feel. This technique will interrupt the anxious thoughts that are making you nervous.

Contrary to what you may think, your level of skill with communication isn’t set in stone. You can improve your communication and conversational skills.

Prepare for the interview

You have a better chance of having a productive conversation if you prepare for your interview ahead of time. Take these steps to be as prepared as possible:

1. Print out the job description, your application, and your resume. Keep these handy. Reread them and highlight points you want to discuss during the interview.
2. Study the company’s online presence and recent media attention. Read up on the company that’s interviewing you. Look at their website and social media accounts. Knowing about the company will help you feel more confident going in.
3. Research the interviewing team. It’s perfectly acceptable, even expected, that you’ll look up your interviewers online. Find one or two online accounts—preferably professionally oriented—to get a sense of the interviewer.
4. Look up interview questions online. There are a number of places to find sample interview questions online. LinkedIn has a list of common questions as well as questions targeted to specific job titles. Write out your answers to a few questions and practice saying them aloud.
5. Do a mock interview. Ask a peer in your field or a mentor to act as an interviewer while you practice answering interview questions. The more you practice, the more comfortable you’ll feel when you’re in the hot seat.

This preparation will help you feel more confident going into an interview. Then, you’ll be able to focus more on showing why you’re the person they should hire.

Pay attention to non-verbal communication

Much of what gets communicated between people is non-verbal. There are two ways you can leverage non-verbal communication. One is to be aware of the non-verbal cues you’re sending out. The other is to pay attention to the interviewers’ non-verbal messages.

Let’s look first at what you can do to harness the power of body language.

Make eye contact

Cultural norms vary from place to place, but in the Western world, generally speaking, making eye contact is seen as being polite and engaged with the conversation.

Give a firm handshake

If you are going to shake someone’s hand, make a good impression with it. A half-handshake, where you only offer your fingertips, comes across as non-committal and unassertive. Conversely, don’t squeeze the life out of someone’s knuckles—people will wonder if you’re too aggressive or even a bit of a bully. A firm quick handshake is the way to go.

Posture

Stand straight. Pull your shoulders back, lift your chest forward, and relax into it. Good posture projects confidence, and it will make you feel more self-assured. (Think power poses.) When sitting, maintain your posture and lean in, towards the interviewer. This shows you’re interested and engaged in the conversation.

It’s also important to tune into the non-verbal signals that others project.

Facial expressions

You can learn a lot about what people think by watching their facial expressions. Are people smiling? Do they look confused? Try to use the information you gain to adjust your responses.

Where are they looking?

Is the interviewer looking at you? If they are, they’re paying attention to what you’re saying. If their eyes wander around, either they’re not engaged, or they don’t love what they’re hearing.

Cues that time is up

Everyone has limits on their time and attention. As a potential hire, you don’t want to overstay your welcome. Keep an eye on the time, and also look for signs that the interviewers are ready to wrap up. Pencil tapping, fidgeting, and leaning away from the conversation can all be signs that the interview is over.

The power of listening

Now we come to the secret sauce of conversational skills: listening. Yes, communicating your ideas well is important, but listening is just as important.

In an interview situation, your focus is, understandably, on wanting to impress people with what you know and what you can do. Don’t concentrate so much on what you’re going to say next that you neglect to listen to what’s being said. It’s a trap we all fall into, thinking about our next comment instead of really listening to the other person.

How can you show that you’re a good listener, especially in an interview? Use active listening to show you’re attending to the speaker, and that you understand what’s being said.

Body language

As we mentioned, non-verbal communication is a large part of our social interactions. These things show that you’re listening: leaning forward, nodding your head, looking at the speaker, smiling.

Answer the questions that are asked

Make sure that your answers relate directly to the questions you’re being asked. Take a moment to think before giving your answer.

Repeat back what you heard

Here’s an example: When an interviewer says, “We’re really trying to branch out into new sectors.” You can respond with something like, “I know you’re looking into new sectors. Here’s how I can help.”

Ask clarifying questions

Using the sector example, follow up with a question. “Which sector are you looking at first?” If you’re not sure you understand something, it’s okay to say, “Do I have this right?” It shows you care about understanding the other person’s statement.

Ultimately, a successful interview feels like a conversation.

Final thoughts

Ultimately, a successful interview feels like a conversation. It’s where both parties learn about the other to see if they’re a good match. Having a relaxed give-and-take approach during your interview can lead to your next job offer.