“What Did You Say?” Experiencing an Invisible Disability as a New Employee with Fidelity

By Kristin, Product Leader

Imagine meeting a lot of new people, learning new acronyms, and navigating a new company. Most of us have started new jobs before, and it can be a bit stressful with all the myriad of changes we experience.

Now imagine all those changes and suddenly struggling to hear what’s being said. That was me, a few weeks into my new job at Fidelity. I had just started as a technology executive, leading a team focused on building customer data to improve and personalize our digital experiences.

It started slowly. I’d be in virtual meetings with my team, who were spread out across the globe. First, I was leaning in, closer to the speakers on my laptop in an effort to hear. The requests to “please repeat that” increased. Then I went into the office and joined Zoom calls from there. It didn’t go well.

I lasted about 3 hours that first time. As the calls continued, and noise levels around me increased, I became more and more upset. I was finding it more difficult to understand what was being said in every conversation and eventually shut down. Uncertainty and fear drove me home where I could better control my environment. It also drove me to engage local hearing specialists to find out what was going on.

It took several visits, but I was eventually diagnosed with Auditory Processing Disorder (APD). Physically, I can hear. However, my ability to focus, receive, and understand the words I’m hearing can be impacted by my environment.

When my environment dramatically changed, my ability to manage APD changed as well

The new context I was operating in – new job, people, acronyms, and more – meant that my brain was having difficulty filling the gaps in what I was hearing. As I struggled and became more stressed about those struggles, the problems increased.

Once I knew what was going on, I was better able to advocate for what I needed to be successful in my role. I’ve been very fortunate that my leader, peers, and team have been happy to help in whatever ways they can. For example, in Zoom there are settings that mute background noise. They are usually set to a default level but can be increased. My team members increased their settings so that if they are in the office, we hear them and not the others around them. This has proven helpful for me, but also others on the team as we adjust to a hybrid environment.

Our accommodations team has also been critical in finding spaces for me to work when I’m in the office. I do a lot of virtual calls with teams in other locations. We have rooms I can use for the day so that I can focus on the calls with less background noise. I’m no longer finding myself constantly asking “would you repeat that” in every call.

At first, I was nervous about asking for accommodations or letting people know about my hearing trouble. As a new hire and a leader, I was internalizing a lot of fear of what might happen. Yet, I also believe that leaders are models – what would I want someone on my team to do? Well, I’d want them to get the support they need to be effective and show up as their most authentic selves.

While it felt uncomfortable at first, the way everyone at Fidelity – from my manager to the HR team – handled my request was empathetic and supportive

It hasn’t always gone smoothly – someone once asked for closed captions to be turned off on a call because it was “distracting.” However, there has been space for me to give feedback and affect change as a result.

As I’ve leaned into my new reality, one of the best parts has been engaging with Fidelity’s Employee Resource Group for visible and invisible disabilities, Enable*. The stories people share, and the support we provide one another, have had a significant impact in how I view myself and others with differences. I’ve felt seen and understood, gotten suggestions for tools and techniques that may help, and been able to advocate for a larger group beyond myself.

As a leader, I’ve been reminded of how important it is to create safe spaces for folks to share their needs and when they aren’t being met. To be aware of the different ways people show up, how to lean into the superpowers they bring to the table and avoid playing to their kryptonite. While I started this journey trying to make sure I could still be an effective employee and leader, the path has led me to increased awareness, advocacy, and allyship.

I’m not technically “new” anymore. It was a bumpy start, but Fidelity has given me the space to learn about the company, the job, and myself, in a way that’s lasting.

* Fidelity Enable is a company-wide employee resource group with a mission to create a positive and inclusive experience for all those affected by seen or unseen disabilities whether permanent, temporary, or situational, to reach their full potential. We create awareness, embrace employees, and support their unique needs at all stages of their journeys.